Dear Nabeela, Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree entirely. Allopathic medicine tends to view the physical and negative aspects of our being. That's why I love Traditional Chinese medicine so much!
And I agree about how we need to allow parents to lead the conversation and let them decide what is best for them. As you said never say "you can have another baby".. we can never replace a lost baby, whatever their age. Also it is important not to say "well at least it was early on"...it is always a life, a baby.
And yes with "stillbirth", another not very lovely term, babies older than 24 weeks, I tend to now say "later baby loss" women are still encouraged to spend time with their baby if they want. And I agree often holding a funeral is important.
I trained as a midwife in 1986 and have never thought about the word miscarriage and the message it sends. Like many terms in Allopathic Medicine it seems to have been coined considering only the physical and negative aspects of a bodily function. The Professor of obstetrics at my training hospital (in Australia), used to say birth is a purely physical process. He would not entertain the idea there are other forces involved. The power of mother's/women, the spiritual aspects, the emotions involved are enormous. Even from a physical aspect to consider the effect of hormones on our emotions, it is obvious birth and pregnancy are much more than a physical process.
It is so important to be available and to invite parents/families to discuss a loss. Frequently we are afraid of such conversations probably because in many societies we are shielded from death, and we are afraid of the emotions surrounding the passing of our fellow humans. Such conversations are always best lead by the parents who are suffering the enormous loss of their child. Sometimes people do not recognise the extent of grief, around early pregnancy loss.
After a stillbirth we used to, (I think it's still the practice), encourage the parents to spend time with their baby, often it would take days of them holding their baby, talking to their baby, touching their baby. Usually they needed a break from the intense experience of having their baby with them. And we would mind their baby for a time.
Holding a funeral is often an important step in the greiving process.
For those not familiar with talking with greiving parents, you probably already know, but I will say it anyway. Please never make light of their loss by saying, "you can have another baby". There will never be a replacement for the loss of their child, the loss of the hopes dreams and expectations that come with the experience.
Dear Nabeela, Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree entirely. Allopathic medicine tends to view the physical and negative aspects of our being. That's why I love Traditional Chinese medicine so much!
And I agree about how we need to allow parents to lead the conversation and let them decide what is best for them. As you said never say "you can have another baby".. we can never replace a lost baby, whatever their age. Also it is important not to say "well at least it was early on"...it is always a life, a baby.
And yes with "stillbirth", another not very lovely term, babies older than 24 weeks, I tend to now say "later baby loss" women are still encouraged to spend time with their baby if they want. And I agree often holding a funeral is important.
Do you have any thoughts on words to use?
Thankyou for your wonderful thoughts.
I trained as a midwife in 1986 and have never thought about the word miscarriage and the message it sends. Like many terms in Allopathic Medicine it seems to have been coined considering only the physical and negative aspects of a bodily function. The Professor of obstetrics at my training hospital (in Australia), used to say birth is a purely physical process. He would not entertain the idea there are other forces involved. The power of mother's/women, the spiritual aspects, the emotions involved are enormous. Even from a physical aspect to consider the effect of hormones on our emotions, it is obvious birth and pregnancy are much more than a physical process.
It is so important to be available and to invite parents/families to discuss a loss. Frequently we are afraid of such conversations probably because in many societies we are shielded from death, and we are afraid of the emotions surrounding the passing of our fellow humans. Such conversations are always best lead by the parents who are suffering the enormous loss of their child. Sometimes people do not recognise the extent of grief, around early pregnancy loss.
After a stillbirth we used to, (I think it's still the practice), encourage the parents to spend time with their baby, often it would take days of them holding their baby, talking to their baby, touching their baby. Usually they needed a break from the intense experience of having their baby with them. And we would mind their baby for a time.
Holding a funeral is often an important step in the greiving process.
For those not familiar with talking with greiving parents, you probably already know, but I will say it anyway. Please never make light of their loss by saying, "you can have another baby". There will never be a replacement for the loss of their child, the loss of the hopes dreams and expectations that come with the experience.