Embrace your Dark cloud days
How do you get through yours and do you accept their gifts ?
What are dark cloud days?
What do I mean when I talk about “dark cloud days”? I mean those days, which may be several in a row, when I feel lethargic, unmotivated, full of doubt, sad, uninterested in life, and want the day to end. I don’t feel good in my body. Everything feels meaningless and I go through the motions of living. Colours are dull. When I look at what usually gives me joy, I see only darkness. I question my life, its purpose, meaning and what I have done so far. I feel despondent and overwhelmed by the endless lists and tasks I need to complete: jobs in the garden, videos to film, blogs and books to write, teaching to organise. I don’t want to read a book, or watch a video. My insecurities rise up. Life feels too much and I simply want to go to sleep and let go of everything.
I don’t enjoy these days and struggle to get through them. After all these years of living in my body you would think that these times wouldn’t come as a surprise but they always do. I forget about them the rest of the time, until they come again. Part of why I am writing this is to remind me of them and learn to embrace their gifts.
We need to talk about them more
I think it’s important to share these feelings and not always present the more upbeat days: especially in this culture of posting about the happier times in our life, times when we feel good, and are in beautiful surroundings. Sometimes life is hard.
I used to resist talking about dark and light, because many people associate dark with ‘bad’ and light with ‘good’ but we need to embrace the dark. Like a plant growing in the soil, we need the light and sun but we also need the dark clouds and the rain. We are here to experience life in its many hues, from the dark to the light.
I feel that too much emphasis on “positive thinking” or “manifesting” can set people up to fail. We can be positive in our approach to life and focus on what we can do, but often what we think we need is not what we really need. I have learnt a lot through being challenged by situations and people I would not have consciously chosen to be with. Uncomfortable or negative feelings teach us more about life and as we move through them we can grow.
Our culture tends to hold out the promise that we should always be active, youthful, productive and happy. Yet this is only part of life. We will grow old. Our bodies age. We have moments of fatigue and low energy, even depression. We will experience illness. Eventually we will die. By refusing to accept this we think something is wrong with us or we are not trying hard enough. Around 8% of Europeans take anti-depressants and the number is rising. It doesn’t need to be this way if we accept that dark clouds times are part of life.
Why do we have them?
There may be reasons for some of these days. Sometimes I am simply exhausted after a few busy weeks. Or I have been triggered and become upset or angry because of something that has happened or the way that someone has behaved with me. It could be a change in the weather: stormy, too hot, or too cold or something brewing in the air. Or I am fighting off an infection. I find those times a little easier to accept. However, sometimes I simply don’t know why I feel under a dark cloud. In the weeks which follow often I realise it is that I needed to let go of something or unconsciously work through a challenge. If this is the case, then I find I have increased creativity and more energy afterwards. They can be a call to change.
I talked about the process of creativity in a chat with Kate Codrington
Dark cloud days help us let go and rest and reflect - ultimately preparing us for our death
I used to fight these times and feel that my goal was to not experience them anymore. I thought that if I did enough positive thinking, manifestations, gratitude practices, yoga, Qi Gong, shiatsu, self-nurturing, then eventually I would no longer feel my darker side. Now I realise that while I am still alive, I have more work to do in this body. If I was “enlightened” I would no longer need to experience life in this body with its history.
I am beginning to embrace my dark side and to be less resistant to what it shows me. Seeing these days as “dark cloud days”, I see my thoughts and emotions as clouds passing by and be less attached to them, most of the time. I understand that the importance of these times. It is helpful to question what we are doing. To make new priorities. To let go of projects, or people that we no longer feel comfortable with. To learn to say no. It is part of preparing us for the ultimate letting go of dying.
What helps me get through my dark cloud times?
Acceptance
Accept that they are necessary: they are part of life
Accept all the uncomfortable feelings and sensations which arise
Accept the detachment from my life: it helps me see things with more perspective and eventually accept my death
Slow down and rest
Allow myself to rest as much as I need and I can without feeling guilty
Lower expectations: do the minimum I need to get through the day
Embrace the gift of time out of daily life
Focus on the next thing you need to do
This could be simply to make a drink or take the dog out for a run, or more likely for me, a walk.
Be fully present - use the Stepping Vessel
Notice the feelings as they arise and release
Simply slowing down and being aware of each step
I have found the Stepping Vessel of TCM to be a powerful aid. Simple stepping is powerful.
Here are some videos about the Stepping Vessel
Holding the inside corner of my eye to connect with BL1.
Trust in the wisdom of these times
I don’t always understand them and that is fine.
Let the clouds pass through
I know that this too shall pass.
I have a short video of me talking about dark cloud days